


I Loved You First

by mxlorierie



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, But also, Conflict Between Friends, Confrontation, Dreams, Feral boys, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Phone Calls, Platonic Karlnapity, Unrequited Love, Yes beta, comfort/hurt, comfort/hurt/comfort/hurt, dadboyhalo, focuses on people besides dnf, getting replaced, has a sequel in the making, it's a cycle of pain, question mark, read that again, second place, semi-songfic, shock stream ;], yes it ends with hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-23 05:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30050886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxlorierie/pseuds/mxlorierie
Summary: Dream and George have always loved each other— that was obvious. They knew that. Everyone knew that.But there are different kinds of love.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello!
> 
> this is my first fic for the fandom, and I already have a few chapters ready to be uploaded. I'm planning to go weekly after a short while, so I'm hoping for your support! I also have other works in the making, so watch out for that too :]]
> 
> and yes, never forget the reminder that I don't actually ship Dream and George. Though my story plays with the idea a lot, I don't actually ship them, nor do I expect them to get together in real life. it's all in good fun. Also please don't tell ccs about this, and if anyone involved in my story changes their mind and decides they don't want to be in fanfics, then I'm taking this down.
> 
> one more note: I started writing this in late January, and it doesn't follow an actual timeline of real life events-- this is still just a fanfic :] so I'll be referencing some events from late January onwards. 
> 
> that's all, enjoy!

“...Dream?”

George’s unsure call of his best friend’s name was immediately followed by an explosion of laughter from behind him. He quickly spun around, away from the man he almost mistook as Dream and glared at the real one. 

“Dream!”

“What???”

Dream dared ask George why he was glaring when he very much almost let him walk up to a complete stranger in the airport. “Don’t do that!!” The Brit responded, almost pouting. George sighed, as he couldn’t do much but stare at him in exasperation, waiting for the tall blond to calm down.

George had already seen Dream before. Only, this was a crowded airport, and he’d underestimated just how many tall blondes there were in the world. You couldn’t blame him for going up to the first slightly tanned and tall man with wavy blond hair that he found.

Now that he was staring at his best friend so up close— well, closer than just a screen— he wished he could pinpoint the way his eyes shined or the way the sides of his face crinkled when he smiled, or the way his whole body shook when he laughed.

But nooooo.

Instead, his eyes went straight to his clothes.

“Dream, why in _god’s name_ do you look like a smurf??”

While Dream began to gain the strange looks of bystanders due to his insane volume, more people _kept_ looking because he was quite literally a smurf. He had a navy blue bucket hat, a plain royal blue hoodie, and his shorts and shoes were some less popular shade of blue. Regardless, monotone outfits looked good on _some_ people when done well… Dream was not one of those people.

“What??” Dream asked, jokingly offended by the question. “I wore all blue for you because I thought it would make it easier for you to spot me!”

George tried to shush him; they hadn’t actually walked towards each other yet (maybe it was the nerves of meeting for the first time,) so Dream’s voice was so damn _loud_ coming from a few feet away. “I was just thinking of you, George!” 

“That's not how it—” he sputtered, but eventually, he just held his head in his hands while resisting his laughter. George didn’t think he’d ever get tired of this idiot’s antics.

Dream continued to laugh, and to anyone else in the airport, he might have looked like he was genuinely losing it. Neither of them even bothered to look back at the stranger dubbed “almost-Dream.”

In his laughter, he could only really focus on the hint of a sparkle in George’s eyes and the beginnings of his smile lines. He always tried to resist his smiles when it came to their jokes, but Dream felt absolutely free. This was it. This was really it. The absolute joy bubbling out of him wasn’t just about his little prank on poor George who had no idea what he looked like. This was the culmination of years of friendship, hours of calls, and months of planning. They were finally here. Together.

It felt almost surreal.

When George _finally_ let himself go, his smile took up most of the space on his face. They just kept laughing as they watched the other inhale less and less air because of their energy. His boyish giggling was the ever so striking contrast against Dream’s dying-dolphin-esque wheezes and cackles, but somehow their dynamic worked.

With a soft exhale, Dream stopped laughing. With a smile still frozen on his face, the brightness in his eyes stayed shining. It was like someone knocked the wind out of him, yet it was a breath of fresh air at the same time. There was something almost exhilarating about seeing George’s familiar face in a familiar airport, in a wildly unfamiliar situation.

They both calmed down and took a moment to really _see_ each other— especially for George. As they did the cliche movie scene of two people staring into each other’s eyes at the airport, Dream realized something.

He couldn’t pinpoint it, but there was something in the midst of their shared laughter and smiles and bright eyes that was so full of the unmistakable fondness they both have for each other. A fondness that had never faded and only grown throughout their many years of knowing each other.

Something tightened in Dream’s chest, and it too felt familiar. It was the same way his chest resisted whenever his heart dared pound beyond it, during their special little moments during streams.

But that wasn’t all. Dream could feel it. He couldn’t label the feeling, but there was more to the heaviness weighing on his chest.

He quickly threw that idea to the furthest crevice of his mind when George began stepping forward. This was an action done without thinking, apparently, as it got both of them to wake up from their weird staring contest in the middle of a public area.

George did as George always did. He giggled a bit, looked away smiling, and tugged at his hoodie.

And so, Dream did as Dream always did.

Well, always _would,_ now that he could.

He took George’s split moment of shyness as an opportunity.

And oh, how Dream _loved_ opportunities.

His heart began to beat to the same silent music his feet were following as he walked towards George in large strides. One of the many bonuses of being so tall was that he’d reached George before the latter even realized he was walking, so focused on looking at everything except him.

Dream relished in the sight of George, ever so gently hit by the sunlight in just the right way. He would stare at him for hours if only the urge to hug his best friend wasn’t so strong. But it was, and so Dream prepared himself for the tight hug he would give to the boy he’d grown to love so much over the years.

His heart tried to brace itself for the burst of adoration he was bound to have, the same tight feeling from earlier settling in once again.

He mentally prepared himself to take note of how George would fit so perfectly in his arms and the way his head would probably sit perfectly atop the shorter boy’s head. Oh, that was the dream. And he wasn’t about to waste this opportunity. He would relish and lose himself in the warmth of the person he loved so deeply, despite the ocean between them.

Only, when Dream finally reached him…

There was nothing.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Dream should have been confused. He really should have been. He awoke to find himself reaching out to the empty side of his bed— any normal person would have been confused. One moment his friend who had crossed an ocean to meet him was right in front of him, and the next, he was gone. Where was the warmth he was meant to feel? Where was the exploding joy he was meant to experience?

He should have been asking these questions, but in what felt like a flash, he understood.

He finally understood what that feeling in his chest was.

Suddenly, the heaviness in his chest came back all too powerfully. This time, he finally remembered why it was familiar— beyond the way his heart fluttered and beat fiercely whenever he was with George. He was a fool to think things could be so easy. So _perfect_.

He was forced to realize that it was the same way his chest tightened every time he looked at George smiling, listened to him laughing, and had to remind himself that he could never have it— never have him— never have _them_.

A moment. That was what this was. He understood that he could never truly have George, so he formed a hobby for himself, and now it was coming back to bite him in the ass in his dreams. He’d learned how to pluck these kinds of moments from the air and keep them in little trinket bottles, you see? They decorated shelves upon shelves in Dream’s mind, specifically set aside for George.

If he couldn't have George, he could at least keep the moments.

And in the nights that were darker than others, he could go visit those favourite shelves within the inner intricacies of his mind and feel illuminated once more by the absolute light that George brought into his life. Even _if_ they were limited to the form of little moments that he’d stored away in tiny bottles.

Dream sat up on his bed, eventually accepting that he wouldn't be going back to sleep any time soon. He resisted looking at the night sky, fully knowing where his mind would go. He was an avid reader— he’d read enough to know of all the characters who think of nostalgic and sentimental things as they stare up at the sky decorated by stars.

God forbid he think of the way George could be looking at the same moon as he was now.

He sighed; his arms overlap each other, hugging his now folded legs. He curled into a ball in his weak attempt to resist the impending loneliness that plagued his mind.

He tried not to think about the fact it was a dream.

It wasn't supposed to be one.

They had plans. Solid ones. That was the life they were meant to have— it wasn't meant to stay as a dream.

Acknowledging that what he just experienced was a dream reminded him of the all too bitter truth that odds were against them. Their joyous meet-up simply wasn't in the cards for their near future. He refused to let himself think about it again.

So, as he took deep breaths, along in the confines of his room, he told himself:

 _Forget it._  
  
He refused to say it was a dream, but couldn’t bring himself to say it was reality either— because it wasn't. What was he supposed to say?

All he could tell himself was to forget it. Forget the joy of messing around the moment they meet. Forget the way he laughed and the way George couldn’t resist the smile that bloomed on his annoyingly pretty face. Forget the way he was meant to hold him in his arms, and honestly? He had no plans of ever letting go.

Though it didn’t seem like he had a choice, in that matter.

His eyes drifted to his side, landing on the body pillow he usually hugged in his sleep. His heart clenched. Part of him just wanted to go back to sleep, but the other part knew that there was no way he would be able to hug his pillow that night without thinking:

_What if it was George?_

He let himself pretend as if he's never thought about that before.

For such a good liar, Dream really just couldn't lie to himself. To be honest, he thought about that pretty often. He tried not to, but it was hard. It was already difficult to not think about the best friend he’d fallen in love with, but it was harder at night. Their occasional sleep calls in the past never helped, either. It was during those nights that he allowed himself to imagine what it would’ve been like if they could actually be together. He’d let himself think of these things as he drifted into his own dreams, in which some version of him could live the life that he wanted but couldn’t have.

He definitely didn’t think about how their sleep calls have been happening less and less often lately, and he most definitely didn’t miss the fuck out of his friend, either.

For the first time in a while, Dream chose to sleep without his extra pillows. He moved them to the far side of his bed before he laid back down to try and go back to sleep. He thought back to the way he’d get himself to sleep a few years ago when he was a lot younger. It’d been a while, but he hoped it would work.

And so, his mind drifted back to the familiar beach he used to go to as a kid. He used to go there with his mum and sister every now and then, but his favourite memories were when he’d sneak out of the house at ungodly hours of the morning to sit in the sand alone. During difficult times and lonely nights, the beach accompanied him. He focused on the memory of the cold wind wisping between his fingers and blowing through his hair that was probably getting too long. He tried to recall the sounds of the ocean brushing against the shore as best as he could.

Slowly but surely, the images of sand transfigured into something else. He found himself on a familiar road, with even more familiar faces. He eventually recognized it as the road towards the beach he had in mind, and the shared laughter of his friends filled his eardrums. He hummed at the idea of a simple road trip with his favourite people in the world.

He didn’t fully understand where all this was coming from, but his mind was slipping deeper and deeper into his slumber. He chose to allow these thoughts to flow within his mind. 

He let himself be happy with his friends, even if it was only in this strange, half-awake musings of his. Maybe he didn't care whether it was his reality or not after all. He’d allow himself this small thing— to live the life he wanted for all of them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's always the small things that matter the most in life.

“I’m sorry, guys, I don’t think I can make it tomorrow”

The first response was the sound of Dream leaving the call.

George’s voice sounded very apologetic— as if he really _was_ sorry. There was maybe some guilt mixed in there; he sounded a little regretful, at least. He really did. But Dream was tired to the point of not wanting to even _pretend_ to be okay with it and be understanding for the nth time. He didn’t have the energy to respond, either way, only silent frustration radiating off of him as his head hit the table.

He felt a little sorry for leaving Sapnap in the call alone with George, but he trusted that his friend would understand

Sapnap always understood him best.

They reacted this way because their _dearest_ friend had promised them nothing would change, but really, when are promises like that ever kept? If only Dream wasn't so goddamn blinded, he would have realized sooner just what kind of path his friend was going on.

It started with the small things.

* * *

  
  


“SAPNAP STOP!”

George was shouting for his life, spam clicking Sapnap’s avatar. He _finally_ arrived in the Nether, only to meet Sapnap in the same damn fortress. It was way too easy to lose your things in lava if you died; George would fight for his goddamn life if he had to.

Only, he was never particularly good at PVP.

“ _Sapnap, stawp~_ ” Sapnap mocked George’s accent, chuckling to himself while taking time to eat before sprinting back towards George and chasing him. The latter continued to scream, even calling for Dream to help him. 

“I can’t help you, George! That’s the whole point of this stream!” George knew this, but it stressed him out to no end. This was supposed to be a Twitch stream of George and Sapnap trying to beat the game before the other, and Dream was meant to be some sort of spectator or commentator. It would be against their own rules for him to switch game modes to keep Sapnap from killing George (which was a totally fair play, he had to admit.)

Sapnap laughed almost maniacally as he landed the last few hits he needed to get George dead. The local “pretty boy” resorted to his usual reaction of pouting, glancing at the camera and complaining. 

“Dreaaaaaam!” There it was, his signature whine. "DREAM save me, save me SAVE ME!!!" his desperate screams were messing with his mic. 

The boy from Florida only laughed. “What do you expect me to do, George?”

“He’s too used to you being his knight in shining armour, Dream.” Sapnap was _milking_ his victory. “He forgets he can’t do _shit_ in PVP without you.”

“It wasn’t supposed to _be_ PVP!!”

“All is fair in love and war, George!”

“God, I actually hate you.” The Brit responded, but his camera was on. He rolled his eyes, but everyone could see the edges of a smile on his face matched with the fondness in his eyes. They _always_ got like this, and the fans were honestly so used to it. Despite that, watching these idiots play with each other never seemed to get old.

“Ugh, now I have to get back all my stuff,” George complained.

“Yeah no shit,” Sapnap smirked to himself. _God_ , he loved winning.

“Hey, don’t worry George,” the sound of his typing reached his mic. He teleported himself to George. “There. At least I’m with you and I can kind of help you out.” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah, go to your boyfriend, you simp,” Sapnap mumbled.

“Sapnap!! Don’t use that word!!” George let out a giggle mixed with some panic. “Wasn’t there a thing where you can’t say that word on Twitch?”

“It doesn’t change the fact that Dream’s one!” George only laughed and rolled his eyes.

The way they didn’t specify exactly which word they were referring to made the chat go _crazy_. With context, it was probably “simp,” but if that were true, then that meant Gogy completely glazed over how Sapnap called Dream his boyfriend. With this, the two bickering friends either didn’t notice, or purposefully ignored the way Dream was quiet throughout _that_ particular conversation.

It was no secret that he had a soft spot for George— trying to defend himself would just be useless and probably just add fuel to the flaming bonfire that was DreamNotFound on the internet. It wasn’t as if they didn’t already constantly give Twitter DNF content, but today just wasn’t a fanservice day for Dream. Something else settled in his chest, as his brain repeated the word “boyfriend” the same way the chat was still spamming it— and it wasn’t denial.

“Dream, stop mumbling to me, it’s annoying!”

“Wha— I’m literally helping you!”

“Yeah, well, stop it!”

“You’re actually such an idiot—”

“And there goes the bingo card,” Sapnap mumbled.

George groaned and rolled his eyes, while Dream chuckled. “Bingo card? Really, Sapnap?” If George had his own soft voice from Dream, Sapnap always had that unmistakable tone of teasing, beautifully perfected over years of friendship.

“Yeah, Twitter should honestly make a bingo card for whenever you two are together. You literally say the exact same things all the time— kinda annoying, not gonna lie.”

Dream scoffed. “Yeah, like what?”

“Oh well, let’s see,” Sapnap braced himself for his list. “You always do the ‘you’re such an idiot’ line, you say ‘oh come on now’ _way_ too often— you need to realize it's not as hot as Twitter makes it to be—" George snickered. "And you literally laugh at every single thing George does even when he’s being the unfunniest person ever.” Before George could defend himself and before Dream could complain that “unfunniest” couldn’t possibly be a real word, Sapnap added one more thing.

“We can’t forget when you whine ‘Geooooorge tell me you love me like— we _get it,_ dude. You just want George to love you back, we get it.” His high-pitched Dream impression almost broke the chatbox, and they could expect a flood of tweets about it later. His voice was deadpan, but there was no venom in it at all. If only he had a fancam, the fans would see the small fond smile growing on his face. 

George’s eyebrows furrowed the way they always did when he was in confusion, and he turned to face his second monitor, back to the first. His eyebrows raised as a challenge when he said: “spoken like a true DreamNotFound stan, Sapnap.”

Without missing a beat, the Texan responded: “yeah, you would know, dickhead.”

Dream had no idea what else he could respond to that, so he just laughed it off. They eventually went back to focusing on the game and the thousand dollars from Dream on the line.

Despite the way the trio (mostly) moved on from certain gay undertones, the Twitch chat just couldn’t seem to let it go. Dream continued to mumble to George, while he tried to help the latter with banter that sounded like it could’ve been between an old married couple. The chat also _definitely_ picked up on the way Dream’s voice was significantly softer and just _different_ when he was talking to only George.

Sapnap still mumbled in the background about how fast he was going to find the stronghold, but viewers definitely zoned in on the sheer domesticity between the two content creators. People would joke that they were tired of the two flirting all the time, but sweet and quiet moments like these were always well received by the community.

As expected, the chat blew up, spamming about DreamNotFound.

As they always did.

The Dream Team just ignored it… for the most part. Sapnap just continued to do his thing, absolutely determined to win this challenge. Meanwhile, Dream continued to help George find his way back to the portal, pointing out different villages or desert temples on the way. He suggested that George just make his own, but for some reason, the man refused to. Who was Dream to dictate what he did while trying to speedrun the game, right? 

Still though, there was something slightly off in Dream and the way he’d nervously glance at the chat as he stayed with George. Thank god he didn’t use a webcam, and he could comfortably look at the chat whenever he wanted without being worried about looking suspicious. He wasn’t thinking about whatever chat’s been saying. He wasn’t thinking about actually being next to George while they bicker as they always did. And he _definitely_ wasn’t thinking about the “what if”s.

What if what the chat said was true?

What if they could happen?

What if they _did_ happen?

_Would they be happy?_

He shook his head.

Of course they would. 

Of course they’d be happy— that wasn’t the question, here.

He shook his head again. _There was no question about anything,_ he had to remind himself. Dream learned, early on, how to brush off comments. He’d dealt with shipping tweets, and even put out a public statement that while the Dream Team was okay with the shipping, and the stories, and the art— they were not going to date.

Dream winced.

None of them would date; Dream won’t ever date George, Sapnap won’t date Dream, George won’t date Sapnap, George won’t ever date Dream,

_George won’t ever date Dream._

He began tapping on his thigh.

Still, he continued. He kind of went autopilot on the stream, and he had this weird passive skill of being able to control his tone really well. It helped a lot during lore streams, and it looked like it would be useful right now, too. Thanks to this, at least he didn’t have to worry about anyone picking up on any of his whirring thoughts right now.

He thought back to all the times he had to announce over and over again to millions of people that he and George were never going to date, and that George was straight.

Right.

Thank god once more that Sapnap was there for him all throughout that time that he was putting out statements, because he definitely needed someone to remind him what to type. 

It was hard to put out statements that he wished weren’t true, after all.

So yes, Sapnap knew. Of _course,_ Sapnap knew.

Of everyone, it was only right that Sapnap knew how Dream was absolutely fucking in love with their third best friend, GeorgeNotFound.

* * *

  
  


“This stronghold has no right to be so damn hard to find.”

“YES I FINALLY HAVE ALL MY BLAZE RODS BACK.”

Both boys were at the climax of this challenge. Sapnap still kept his advantage over George, having never died a single time through it all, but he couldn’t slip up now. George just had to find his way back to the overworld and find the stronghold. At that point, they’d be on equal ground, struggling to find the damn place. Dream finally deemed this as the last bit of help he’d give George, and now he was all on his own.

Only the pretty boy hadn’t noted down the coordinates of his portal, and was now trying to whine his way out of this.

“Dream, _please_. You’ve got to know where it is. You have to, right?”

“George—”

“Please, Dream, I’m going to lose if I don’t find that portal literally right now.”

A deep sigh came from Dream. “I can't give you the coords of the portal George, you’re gonna have to look for it yourself.” Some part of him cheered for the fact he was _not_ giving in to George’s every whim. The chat noticed this too, and spammed the chat with “LMFAOOOO” messages. Dream couldn’t help but smirk. Thank fuck.

George did his whining bit, but he eventually got himself to seriously search for his nether portal. All was well… to a point.

Not unlike Dream, George was using quite the reckless play strategy. He jumped from higher places, and he bridged quicker than he used to. It was going well until George’s phone started ringing out of nowhere.

“Oh my—” he slammed his table and stared deadpan into the camera.

He fell.

His death notification popped up, and Sapnap lost it.

“Oh my god, I am absolutely winning this game. Say goodbye to your money, shithead!” 

Despite this remark, George seemed distracted. He had his facecam on, so fans could see that he turned to the side to smile at… what seemed to be his phone. There was a little bit of dead air while he typed some sort of response, before Dream finally called out:

“Um… George?”

This seemed to wake him up, and he remembered he was live.

The chat often accused him of blushing even when he was just barely flushed, but this time… Dream could see it too.

For some reason, it hurt.

“Chat, I am _not_ blushing, don’t be stupid,” he said, obviously flustered. Try as he might to sound annoyed, the smile and new light in his eyes said he was feeling otherwise.

Audibly confident in his chances of winning this challenge, Sapnap egged George on.

“Why so flustered, Gogy?” his tone was teasing, as if talking to a baby. “Was that your crush that just called?”

Dream took deep breaths in and out.

George began to stutter, trying to defend himself, but it was useless. You could practically feel his heart racing through the screen.

Sapnap immediately picked up on that. “Oh my god, it actually is!!” he exclaimed, a mix of pride and excitement filled his voice. “I’m willing to bet that it was that Maia girl from a few weeks ago, wasn’t it?” It was supposed to be a joke, but it wasn't his fault he was such an observant genius. 

Unfortunately (or fortunately?) George was terrible at lying. He tried once more to deny it, but he wasn’t involved in lore for a reason. The chat was going crazy, a mix of theories, messages of support, and confused DNF comments.

Dream found himself relating to that last one.

You see, the whole thing with Maia was meant to be a joke. It was just some fun thing that they did on Twitter, as co-content creators. Most fans forgot about it after a while, but all this happening right now, live on Twitch… to say that Twitter was going crazy would be a bigger understatement than saying “Tommy likes cursing.”

Not being able to hold it back any longer, Dream asked:

“Why did Maia call you?”

George sighed. He realized that there was no point anymore in trying to deny who it was, so he simply answered: “I don’t know, really. But then she texted to apologize” Dream closed his fist. “I guess she realized I was streaming.”

“Oh… I thought…” the words came out of Dream before he could control its delivery. He opened and closed his fist repeatedly, trying to let out his tension there instead of his voice.

“I thought you put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ mode during streams, though?”

Focused on the game, George only answered: “yeah.”

He didn’t elaborate.

Dream went quiet, and George tried to carry the stream. He continued to talk about where he was, complain about how he was collecting materials for the _third_ time, and trash talk Sapnap despite their clear difference in progress.

All the while, a certain green-eyed boy definitely didn’t think about how he thought he was the only one to go through a certain bright-eyed Brit’s ‘do not disturb' mode on his phone.

_So maybe he wasn’t the only one… So what, right?_

He watched his friends joke around and laugh, as he continued his little game of glancing at the chatbox. He just took deep breaths… again. He knew he usually got frustrated easily, but god, this was getting annoying. There was no particular thought that ran through his head, but he eventually had enough.

In the middle of Sapnap teasing George, Dream coughed and excused himself. “I’ll just go and get some water real quick guys, brb,” he said. He hoped no one found this weird, considering he’s shared that he usually kept water bottles by his desk. Regardless, he got up and left without a second glance to the chat, nor to hear the responses of his friends. 

He refused to see more comments on him and George. His mind could only take so much, not wanting to hear what other people had to say about how “they weren’t dating anyway so George liking a girl would be completely fine.”

As if he didn’t already know that.

The tall man took long strides to his kitchen. He stood in the middle, right next to the fridge, but leaned on the island with his hand for just a moment. He had to get his grasp on reality back. He was used to this, right? There was no reason for him to be getting all messed up now.

He dragged his hand off the counter and pulled the refrigerator door open. The cool air was a sudden contrast to his sweaty palms. He rubbed his hands on his sweatpants again.

Dream just grabbed a random glass bottle. Thankfully, he had a few of them, so at least he’d have colder water by his desk now. He blinked away the returning thoughts of “not being the only one.” 

He closed his eyes for a while as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

_You’re streaming._   
  


He sighed and went straight back to his room.

The first words to greet Dream when he put his headphones back on were:

“THAT’S WHAT YOU GET YOU STUPID BITCH!”

“Sapnap, language!”

He wasn’t sure why, but Dream had this weird, automatic urge to tell Sapnap off for his cursing. It felt strangely satisfying, to be honest; maybe this was why Bad did it so often. A small smile grew on his face when he heard George’s giggles, and it grew with Sapnap’s reply:

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not Bad— I mean” he laughed. “You’re not my _dad_.” You could hear the smile shine through his “sassy Sapnap” voice.

“No, but I _am_ your big brother.” His chest burst with fondness. “So technically, I _can_ tell you what to do.” They weren’t usually sappy, but it was the perfect opportunity.

Sapnap didn’t have anything to respond with besides a mumbled “oh shut up,” with a smile.

Dream glanced at the comments once more. Most of the messages were "awwws" and cooing about how cute Dream and Sapnap's brotherly bond was. His smile didn't leave his face all the while, happy to share his love for Sapnap to the world. The guy meant the world to him, and people deserved to know that.

His smile faltered when the comments shifted.

And it fell right off his face when George saw them too.

"Wait— the chat's right, Dream." 

_Fuck fuck fuck please dont say it_.

"What about me??"

God, Dream knew that George had a hard time shutting up, but he wanted to shut his mouth so bad.

“What do you mean, you, George?”

What was he supposed to say?? He very much did _not_ love George the same way he loved Sapnap. He knew that with his mental state now, he couldn't even jokingly say those three words to George. His feelings would bleed through his words like a pentel pen on fucking tissue. He couldn’t say it. He just couldn't.

"You're just jealous because he's talking to _me_ now, Gogy."

Sapnap saved Dream with his ever beloved sassy and mocking voice. Dream let out a breath of relief— purposefully away from the mic. Sapnap must have realized why he left; god, Dream appreciated his brother so bad. They usually annoyed each other to bits for fun, but they had their moments. This was one of them.

_The soft moment condensed into the gentle glow of another trinket joining the shelves of Dream’s mind._

"What— no I'm _not_ , Sapnap!" he kinda was. "I just wanted Dream to answer the chat’s question! What's wrong with that?"

_Dream could make a fucking list._

"Awwww litow Gogy is jealous," Sapnap retorted, sounding like the ugliest baby Dream's ever heard. But if it saved him from talking, then it saved him.

Before George could reply, Sapnap followed it with:

"Suck it George, Dream will always love me more." Dream chuckled, kind of knowing where this was going.

"Right, dream?" and Sapnap made a bunch of kissy noises towards his "big brother."

No one could see, but Dream rolled his eyes anyway. "Yes, of course I'll always love you, Pandas." the fans' hearts exploded.

"More than Gogy?"

"Okay, well maybe that's still up for debate."

And Sapnap let out the _loudest_ offended gasp ever, while George laughed, cheered, and clapped his hands for what he deemed a victory.

Once again, Sapnap saved the day with his wonderful sense of humour and natural ability to read his friends. Thankfully enough, the chat didn't seem to think anything was off at all— that was how good Sapnap was at what he did.

To the point George didn't seem to notice anything either, but they didn't have to talk about that.

Instead, Dream teleported his character to Sapnap. The latter seemed to have found the stronghold while he was gone, and now he was only looking for endermen to complete the portal. He had to do it as efficiently as he could because George seemed to be getting too close for comfort. Dream didn't want to break his concentration in any way, so he shot the younger man a message in discord; he knew that Sapnap was in do not disturb mode, anyway.

_[Dream: thank you, brother :)]_

He smiled to himself, and quietly watched his best friend hunt some endermen. He quieted the simp inside him, and let George’s whining become background noise as he rooted for Sapnap.

* * *

“LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO!!”

“LET’S GO SAPNAP!!!”

The pair of rowdy boys almost maxed out their mics when they cheered. The notification popped up in the chatbox, making Sapnap’s victory official.

_Sapnap has made the advancement [Free the End]_

The sound of George dropping his mouse on his desk could be heard alongside Sapnap’s yelling. George, despite dying thrice throughout the game, had just arrived in the End with Sapnap. He miraculously caught up to the younger man, but it was still all too late.

“Imma get my money now, Daddy Dweam,” Sapnap’s mind immediately went to the bet’s rewards.

“What happened to ‘I love you brother’?” George asked in joking disbelief.

"Says the guy who made 'step-Dream' a thing!" George almost choked on his water.

“Daddy Dweam is Daddy Dweam when he gives me money, and that’s that.”

They all laughed it off, and Dream stated that he’d send the money to Sapnap’s account right after the stream. George did his usual closing statements before ending the stream, never forgetting to remind everyone to use their Twitch Prime.

The stream’s screen goes black, and they all take a deep breath.

“So what are you guys gonna do now?” George asked the other two; Sapnap was already getting up from his desk, while Dream had his phone out.

“Dude it’s literally like… five in the morning for me, and I have class later. I’m going the fuck to sleep,” Sapnap answered. “Can you believe I beat you despite it being so damn early in the morning?” He laughed again. He was probably not letting go of this for a while.

George only scoffed and turned his attention towards Dream.

“How about you, Dream?” The man in question blinked. It was around four o'clock for him, but it wasn’t like this was anything new. He and George had long synced their sleep schedules, and things like this barely fazed him anymore. He didn’t really know what to answer ‘til his stomach rumbled and answered for him.

“I’m… gonna go make pancakes.”

George let out a small laugh at Dream's stomach rumbling and said his goodbyes.

Dream continued to get up from his desk and made his way to the kitchen… again. He opened one of the wall cabinets to reach for the pancake mix he bought a while back.

He took out his phone from his pocket and opened Spotify; just to have something to fill the silence while he cooked. His homepage recommended One Direction, and he shrugged to himself. Why not, right?

He dropped his phone onto the kitchen island as he got butter, milk, and eggs from the refrigerator. A stream of One Direction songs played as he mixed all the ingredients and began cooking. He sang along to all the ones he knew and almost danced to the beat of the others.

A smile bloomed on his face when Night Changes came on, and he sang the whole thing.

It wasn't like the song was particularly amazing or stunning, but there was something about it that made him smile and sing whenever he heard it. It was like the ratatouille dish in the movie— simple, but it felt like home.

More than that, he thought of certain people every time he heard it. So much had changed in his life from a few years ago, and he knew he could always rely on his constants. 

"It will never change me and you," he sang in his tenor voice. His heart warmed up.

They knew who they were.

Eventually, Dream began cooking the last few pancakes. He didn't use all of the pancake mix, so he'd be able to cook more if ever he got hungry during ungodly hours again... Or a few hours later, when it was a normal time for eating. A new song came up on his phone while he scooped up the last pancake and laid it on his plate.

The pre-chorus was catchy, and he found himself humming to it and bopping his head to the song while he searched for his maple syrup. He wasn’t too familiar with the lyrics, but they still made him laugh. He thought back to how George screamed bloody murder when he got caught on fire during his shock stream. 

Just as he was about to put the pans and the used bowls in the sink, the first few words of the chorus made him freeze.

“‘Cause I don’t care what people say when we’re together—”

And though the rest of the chorus was surely just as nice, he zoned out a bit after that. He got his plate, syrup, and water and sat by his dining table. He grabbed his phone and opened it to see the song’s lyrics as it played on Spotify.

It reached the chorus again, and Dream speed-processed every single line.

_‘Cause I don’t care what people say when we’re together_

He froze again, just like he did the first time he heard this line. It was no secret who he thought of, and he tried not to think of the way he thought the exact same thing earlier when chat spammed the stream with shipping comments. He didn’t care what other people thought, really— he never did. But the problem was that he always put George first. And regardless of how Dream felt… George didn’t feel the same way.

_You know I wanna be the one who holds you in your sleep_

He almost chuckled. His mind immediately flew to their late-night (early morning) sleep calls, and how they’d synced up their sleep schedules. It just happened naturally, when he kept wanting to spend time with George— he liked their quiet moments when it was just them. He tried not to think of the empty side of his bed, and he would focus on the voice of George next to him.

_I just want it to be you and I forever_

He inhaled a sharp breath.

_I know you wanna leave, so c’mon baby be with me so happily_

He mumbled along with the last two words before the rest of the song faded into background music. In Dream’s mind, they could be happy together. There was no doubt about it in his mind— they would be happy together. He truly believed that they already had something great, but it could still get better. They could be even _happier_. But the world wasn’t that simple— it didn’t work that way.

Especially not when George didn’t even like him back in the first place.

His head sunk into his hands, his fingers holding tightly onto his hair. He quickly turned the music off before he could get any more _idiotic_ ideas.

But the lack of music barely helped.

Thoughts of George still made their way back into his mind, and Dream gave up; he was only human. He sunk into his chair, and there’s a small, yet sad-looking smile on his face. He poured some maple syrup onto his plate and began poking at his pancakes.

He thought back to the “happy life” he was so sure they could have. He thought back to their teasing both on and off streams. He thought of all the things that would happen between them, and more so the things he wished would happen. He wanted to hold his hand, he wanted to hold _George_. He wanted so many things, and he knew that giving in to this greed would be his downfall.

Requited or not, Dream would still do anything to show George he loved him.

It didn’t matter whether or not George truly understood.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Dream ate the rest of his pancakes and watched Youtube videos to fill the silence. He’d love to watch and support the younger members of the DSMP, but he kind of needed a break from Minecraft— _and_ Tommy’s screaming. That too.

A video of one of Maia’s new songs popped up on his recommendations since they followed each other after the whole Twitter thing. Creators supporting creators, right?

But instead of casual support, Dream felt this blood turn to ice. He did _not_ want to think about Maia right now— kind girl, sweet girl, but also the very same girl who somehow came through George’s “do not disturb” mode during streams.

He scrolled past the video, making a mental note to watch and like it somewhere in the future.

He let himself ignore whatever the hell Maia and George had going on. He was being irrational and way too emotional for his own liking, so he talked himself out of it. Just reason his way out of overthinking as he always did. right?

It was fine— George could have other friends, and even if he _did_ have a crush, then that was fine too. No one was immune to that (Dream definitely wasn’t) and it was completely natural for George to like someone eventually. They’d been friends for so long and Dream swore George had never had a real crush in all that time. It was kind of about time.

They were going to be okay, as long as he could keep being best friends with the person he loved.

It was a small thing— minuscule, really. He shouldn’t blow it out of proportion.

...Right.

Small things.

  
It was only a small thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA i hope you all enjoyed that chapter !! this is only the beginning of so much more development and character exploration,, I'm so excited to complete this already tbh LMFAO
> 
> gentle reminder that kudos and comments make my day so :]] hehe thank you sm for reading! see you guys next week <33
> 
> also: if you wanna talk about my fic/just be friends, feel free to hmu on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/mxlorierie) :]]

**Author's Note:**

> :]] i am so excited for you guys to see the next parts :]]
> 
> i know this chapter's a bit short, but I swear that chapter 2 will definitely make up for it, and so will the rest of the fic :]]
> 
> if you like my work or just wanna vibe with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mxlorierie) im just gonna link it here :]] dms are always open and i like making new friends <33


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